Balancing family, self, and work Part 2

There is a vulnerability to taking a leadership position that adds to its challenges. Being a leader means that you are in full view of those you work on behalf of. I’ve been judged for the length of my skirt, my hairstyle, the way I introduced someone, the fact that my voice was on the message that informed employees of the day’s weather challenges. And those are just the things I actually heard; I can only imagine what else was said! When you are a leader, you are charged with being an example for those around you. And when personal things happen to you that affect your work, rest assured that everyone is watching.

 I’ve seen numerous approaches to this dilemma, and some of them resonated with me more than others. Those leaders who communicated their situation matter-of-factly, with some but not too much detail, earned the most respect and understanding among their constituents and with me. And those who let me know what I could expect and what I should do in their absence helped me the most.

This seems so simple. But when you are in the middle of a family crisis or other life change, it’s easy to be uncertain of what to do. When I had emergency surgery and was told I needed to be away from work for eight weeks, I fell into the “I’m different from everyone else and will just work through it” trap and ignored the HR rules prohibiting return to work until release by the doctor. I showed up at a two-hour meeting just a few days after being released from the hospital, thinking I could manage that short time frame. I couldn’t. Apparently, my skin tone gave away my infirmed state: my colleagues described me as becoming increasingly grey as the meeting progressed.

I didn’t do anyone a favor by showing up and enduring the meeting—in fact, I demonstrated poor leadership skills in doing so. I served as a lousy role model by not taking care of myself, not following the HR rules, and making my colleagues uncomfortable.

 What are the rules, then, for a leader whose personal life is challenging her ability to perform her job? These three guidelines apply to most situations.

1.     Communicate your situation matter-of-factly.

Communicating too much or too little can make people uncomfortable. Going in for surgery? It’s probably best not to give details. Family member passed? Don’t go on and on about his drinking habit or the large estate she left. The more you share, the more you leave yourself open for judgment and further speculation. But sharing nothing can be equally as damaging: you will leave your colleagues with no framework within which to operate. It’s a simple concept, really. If you do not communicate the seriousness of your situation, others will not take it seriously.

2.     Let your colleagues know what to expect and what you need from them.

Will you need to leave early every Tuesday to attend a counseling appointment with your teenager? Share your schedule with your colleagues and make the arrangements necessary to cover your time away. A situation like this can lead to opportunity for those who report to you—you might ask a promising leader to run a regular meeting on your behalf. Your coworkers will be grateful that you trust them to move forward in your absence.

3.     Ask your colleagues what they need in your absence.

Set them up for success. If you are in a leadership position where your signature is regularly required, who will sign in your absence? Do you owe others a report you won’t be able to get to? Were you going to attend a meeting in support of one of your colleagues and won’t be able to go? You may not remember all your obligations when you are in the middles of a crisis or medical issue. It’s best to check in with others about what you’ve committed to or ask someone to do so on your behalf.

 If you do not communicate what you need from others, they will feel unsupported and their stress level will increase. Seeing your own crisis as an opportunity for everyone to put his or her best foot forward will help everyone in your organization thrive.

Balancing family, self, and work Part 1

In a diverse work environment, the best leaders regularly support team members when personal issues arise: a death in the family, chronic illness, challenges at home. We all talk about work-life balance, but what does a leader need to know to effectively manage personal issues that come up with other employees?

I’ve seen a variety of leaders’ responses to personal crises: “Do whatever you need to do; the work will wait,” or “You have three bereavement days: you can either make up the time or we’ll have to doc your pay.” Seriously.

I’m the leader who says, “Do what you need to do.” I believe in flexible implementation of policy when an employee is faced with challenges outside his/her control, even if it puts the company in a short-term bind. But I’ve also handled the aftermath of the latter response, and it is not pretty. Employees have come to me in tears because their leader was all business about their personal tragedy. So how do you strike a balance between leniency and rigidity?

First, recognize that everyone handles personal challenge differently. Some will want to share the details of their situation; some will be private. Some will want to remain at work through their adversity, and others will simply not be capable of work. Some will want the option to do what they can. The best thing is to recognize differences and to be flexible in managing the situation.

What about precedent, you say? Aren’t there rules, laws even, that must be followed? Well, sure. But there is also decency and respect. Even if rules must be followed, look for ways to be flexible where you can.

The first time I experienced the grace of a leader was when my mother was dying from cancer. Her illness was relatively short—3-1/2 months—and the cancer was all-consuming. I traveled the twelve hours south as often as I could, taking shifts with my dad and siblings as we cared for her around the clock. I had a full caseload of students at that time, including two braille readers.

Although I had a wonderful braillist working on behalf of these students, she did not know the math code. I had not been able to secure a braille version of the first grader’s math textbook, so I was brailling it myself, working through it a few weeks ahead of his class. The book had diagrams on nearly every page—arrow roads, they were called—that had to be hand drawn and labeled in Nemeth code.

Each afternoon I would sit at my parents’ dining room table with the book at my side and a braillewriter in front of me, tapping out the instructions, removing the paper to draw the arrow roads with a tracing wheel, and labeling them with a slate and stylus. When I had ten or so pages completed, I put them in an envelope and mailed them off to the student’s school. 

Some criticized me for doing this work, even called me a workaholic. Others chided me for being away from my caseload for more than the allotted time. Here are the actual words my boss said to me when I was fretting about taking another leave: “They’ll still be blind when you get back.” Now those words might offend some, but for this 30-year-old teacher, they were exactly right. Boom! Put things into perspective. You are not indispensable. Move forward. Do what you can.

What my supervisor offered was an opportunity to do what I needed both for my family and for my students. I am grateful for the example he set and have used this leadership stone many, many times, both for myself and on behalf of my colleagues.

When a colleague comes to you with a personal issue, try balancing the needs of the organization with that of the employee:  What needs to be done in the individual’s absence? What flexibility can you offer that will help the person in crisis move forward? Providing support both for employees and your organization makes everyone a winner.