As I set out to form my thoughts around the concept that people don’t change (Part 1 of this pair of blogs), my brain was bombarded with memories where I had witnessed significant change in others. Thus, this Part 2: People can change.
When I was a young TVI, I had a boss who had great potential as a new special education director. He did some goofy things: took the cane I was holding and pretended to be blind as he negotiated the hallway of our offices. “’Give me your tired, give me your poor.’ That’s your attitude about any and every child you meet,” he said, mocking me for overcommitting. But he accepted me— not as a 20-something who didn’t have a clue but as someone who could be molded through his insights. And in turn, he listened to my thoughts and perspectives, and sometimes changed his behavior as a result.
There was one incident in particular that stands out: I was going on and on to him about a challenging situation in one of my schools. I honestly can’t remember what it was about, but I know I was asking—no, whining—for his help. “What do you expect me to do?” he finally asked, exasperated. “I expect you to act like the leader you are and manage the situation,” I said, unflinching. My words were blunt, perhaps a bit insubordinate. Instead of putting me in my place, he looked at me hard and said, “Okay. I’ll take a look at it.” And he did. It was my first experience in a job where a supervisor openly considered my call for change—and then changed. In fact, after that encounter, this leader periodically used me as a sounding board for next steps in challenging situations. And in his willingness to change, he gave me an important leadership stone: no matter who you are or where you are in your leadership journey, listening to each other, considering a different approach, and changing accordingly, is invaluable.
Let’s look at the bigger picture. For people to really change, it has to be sustainable and supported throughout the organization. Here’s an example. When I was a new interim principal at a school for the blind, I was taken back by the pervasive negativity of the staff. It was so bad, in fact, that the evening after my first faculty meeting, I cried. Not just a little tearing up—full on sobs. What had I done, leaving a job I’d enjoyed and taking on a challenge for which I was ill prepared? My careful agenda, designed to engage and inspire, had quickly gone down the tubes as teachers interrupted, talked among themselves, and refused to participate in the group activities I had planned.
Over time, however, the staff began to trust me and participated in meetings in a meaningful way. We even had some fun, and I knew I had met with some success when they started playing practical jokes on me. (That’s a leadership stone, by the way. When your staff trusts you enough to play a joke on you and you all laugh about it and no one is offended, it means you’ve built a culture of trust.) If someone made a negative comment, I was able to say, “Hey, you’re not the underdog anymore. Let’s keep it positive,” and things would turn around. The tone of our meetings and the school’s culture transformed.
After nearly five years in that position, an opportunity came up that I could not refuse. It was a dream job really, leading the country’s oldest school for the blind. I left my principal position six weeks after my interview. I thought I had positioned the school in a way where the positivity and camaraderie were sustainable. We had put so many positive things in place, we had climbed out of an IEP nightmare, and our enrollment was great.
After I had been gone for a while and revisited with colleagues, I learned that things had turned negative again. My leadership stone here: change is slow and laborious. But in order for it to “take,” it has to be nurtured every step of the way and on into the future. Nothing about leadership is “one and done.” For people to change in a meaningful way, they must understand the need to change, focus on the key item(s) that need to change, and find support from leaders and colleagues in sustaining that change.