Managing Disappointment

I was working on a survey for TVIs and others working with students with visual impairment when I got that call: “The project has been cancelled.” The venture that I had birthed and that was so needed in our field was terminated. The conversation went a lot like these do: It was sugar-coated with explanations and language that skirted the truth. The justification was surrounded with work-place politics and misinformation. And none of it mattered. The project, a dream I held close to my heart, was over.

 I’m sure you can relate to this scenario… and if it hasn’t happened to you, it will. So the question is, what’s your best course of action when something completely out of your control happens that leaves you disappointed or worse, devastated? Not long after this particular instance, I started looking for the leadership stone that would potentially develop from this experience.

 I began looking back at my years as a teacher and administrator and found many instances where a supervisor or person in power has squelched a project, a dream, or an ambition. I’m a barrel-ahead kind of gal who, when she gets an idea, puts her heart and soul into it. In my first teaching position at a rural high school, I managed to take a school newspaper that was printed on the Xerox machine and, through a partnership with the local newspaper, published a periodical that was professionally printed. When I approached administration for monetary support of the project (early issues of the paper were printed pro-bono), I got a nice letter from the board congratulating me on my innovation… and a verbal reminder that there was no money to continue the project.

 Other examples: A proposal that would have implemented career-technology modules for students with visual impairment was turned down by the superintendent without remark. An incredible partnership with an organization that would have vastly increased employment opportunities for school of the blind alumni was canceled in-progress because my supervisor did not understand the details of financial support we had put in place. In both instances, I felt there was not sufficient understanding from the person in charge to make an educated decision about moving forward—and the decision-maker made no effort to gain that understanding.

 Those are great stories--but what is the leadership stone, you ask?

 Communication. The success or failure of implementing a dream often depends on effective communication. As I look back on the times when my ambitions were stalled or squelched entirely, I realize that both the timing and content of my communication were lacking.

Today, I am more careful about the way I communicate my professional dreams to those who have the power to “make or break” their success. I introduce ideas slowly, and I look for champions with similar ideals as I get my thoughts and plans together.

Once a plan is in place, we must communicate the specifics, including financial and human resource needs, timeline, goals and outcomes, to persons in positions of power. Consider how to best present your information to your particular audience: is the person a visual learner? Then provide charts and graphs. Is the person focused on financial issues? Then have your numbers ready. Think about how much detail is enough to communicate your project or dream. Remind the decision-maker of how the project benefits him or her, and the organization.

But the communication doesn’t stop once the project has been authorized. The project that inspired this blog? It died primarily because I did not consistently communicate with the stakeholders along the way. The decision to cancel that project was made based on limited and misinformation. When I look back, I realize I could have done a better job of sharing our progress and asking for their input.

What does one do with a dream or project that has been squelched or canceled? An important first step is to reflect. What went well? What could have gone better? Debriefing not only with your team but also with the person in power who has ended your project can help you gain valuable information you can apply now, and to future projects.  These discussions will help you manage your disappointment, and you will learn from them.

And finally, consider whether you should move your project forward in a different way. It may be that it will find a home in a place and a way you had not imagined. In fact, there are two leadership stones here: how to manage your disappointment when a project is cancelled, and how to better manage a project to ensure its longevity and success.

Pick up the phone.

This blog isn’t about email. Or texting. Or even using the phone. It’s about communication: the real kind, where we listen and talk and learn from each other.

I’ll admit it: I’ve been railing against email for a lot of years. When I was a school principal, I received anywhere from 150 to 250 emails a day. Many were cc’s—a way for teachers and staff to inform me without directly engaging me. Others included long strings of information, comments, and attempts at making decisions, reaching consensus, and moving forward. I remember sitting for hours each day, trying to catch up on goings on and reading impossible threads of writing, trying to connect and learn from them. It was difficult to distinguish the critical from the mildly important, and sometimes it all felt like so much white noise.

The email communication I found most disturbing was the kind where disagreements bubbled up and parties sparred to have the last word. Even when I would call one or the other writer on the phone and ask him or her to set up a meeting or discuss the issue in person or by phone, the email war would continue. Rather than work toward an authentic conversation where viewpoints are shared and decisions are made, my colleagues hid behind their computers and accomplished little.

Now, I am not immune to the tendency to put off meaningful communication. Something happened last week that gave me pause and prompted me to rethink my current communication tendencies. I was doing research for an article I was writing, and one of my to-dos was to call a retired colleague whose work on the project had preceded my own. For whatever reason, I kept putting off the call. With the article deadline fast approaching, I finally reached out by email to set up the call. Then I waited a few more days… but finally dialed.

He answered immediately, enthusiastically tackling the topic at hand. We talked for 30 minutes, sharing stories and catching up on life. He told me about the challenges he had faced when working on the project—motivating people to get on board. He shared the names of specific people and organizations that had been integral to the project’s success and talked about the importance of the information they had gathered. The call was more than successful: I got the information I needed, but more importantly I connected with him on a personal basis.

Toward the end of the phone call, I told him of our plans to recognize his contributions to the project at an annual gathering of professionals a month away. True to his nature, he stated that he was just one of many who had moved the project forward. He thanked me for thinking of him, and we agreed to a follow-up conversation when the presentation date got closer.

The next night, this leader in our field suffered a catastrophic medical event and, a week later, he was dead. During the week he was hospitalized, this phrase played over and over in my head: Pick up the phone.

We live in a time of transition. Those with years of experience are retiring. Those newer to the field are applying their fresh skills in ways that will improve services for all. It is critical to our future that we talk to one another, share our wisdom and unique experiences, make those connections, and capture that information in a place and time where it can be retrieved by others. Young or old, everyone has knowledge, perspectives, and experiences that, when shared, make us better as professionals and people. If you’ve been putting off contacting someone who will enrich your life, listen to the voice in your head. Pick up the phone. Make the call. Connect.

Know thyself, then do something.

In his book, Good to Great, Jim Collins stresses the need to “get the right people on the bus.” The basic concept is this: the leader of the company is like a bus driver who must choose the right people to be on the bus, decide who should get off the bus, and ensure that the right people are in the right seats.

This visual has stuck with me over the years. I’ve discussed it in book groups, shared it with managers and CEOs. While the phrase is bumper-sticker worthy, its application is far from simple. Looking at human beings in high level positions and determining their fit is one of the most challenging things we do as leaders. And asking some to leave is equally difficult.

But what about your own seat on the bus? Whether you’re the driver (the CEO, VP, Principal or Superintendent), or someone riding in a strategic location, are YOU the right one for the job? If not, can you become the right person, or should you exit the bus. 

Figuring out if it’s time to leave is no easy task. It takes serious self-reflection to consider your role, your effectiveness, and your fit. Those who can successfully self-reflect and initiate changes in their own work lives make some of the best employees and leaders.

I’d love to simplify employee evaluation systems to a self-reflection model. Unfortunately, the number of people who excel at self-reflection is surprisingly low. I’m feeling a little hopeless even writing this blog, in fact, because I’m afraid the right people won’t read it and even if they do, they won’t see themselves in its light. (cue “You’re so vain…”)

Should you get off the bus?

I’ve been on a number of leadership teams, and not one of them was particularly strong. Jockeying for positions of power, shunning accountability measures, and hiding behind those doing the real work is common in leaders. Witnessing these habits is hard for someone who is constantly assessing her own skills, maintaining her authenticity, and doing her very best. Most recently, I found that I was not the right fit in my position on a leadership team, and I left.

I have moved a lot in my adult life, sometimes for my husband’s work, sometimes for my own. I worked in five school districts before I turned forty, and after so many start-stops, I started to see myself as a catalyst for change. I would begin a new position, work hard to do the best job I could, upend a few things, start new initiatives, and then get called away to a new opportunity.

The first time I was in a position for longer than 6 years, I realized I was no longer enjoying my work. Everything felt like a hassle, each day a long march. I realized that I was simply restless—I had accomplished some major things with my team, and I wasn’t seeing a logical next step.  Fortunately for me (and my team!), I was swept up into an interim position, and the leader who replaced me was first-rate. In this case, moving on allowed me to grow and gave another leader an opportunity to continue to grow the organization.

So you decide to stay on the bus. Should you work on developing your skills so that you ARE the right person? How long will that take—too long for the organization’s goals or your professional goals?

Let’s face it: few jobs come with a how-to manual. Learning how to be successful in each new position over the course of my career has taken several years. Teachers can relate to this: what we learn in university makes up a very small portion of the expertise we gain with experience. Learning new skills is a major part of our professional journey, including positions of leadership.

If you’ve taken the time to analyze your own strengths and weaknesses, and regularly assessed your progress, I’ll bet you already know what you need to improve to ensure that you are the right person in the right seat on the bus. Then it’s just a matter of getting the additional support and skills you need. And if that doesn’t work for you, perhaps its time to get off the bus.

 In fact, leaders of companies that go from good to great start not with “where” but with “who.” They start by getting the right people on the bus, the wrong people off the bus, and the right people in the right seats. And they stick with that discipline—first the people, then the direction—no matter how dire the circumstances.

-Jim Collins